Paternity leave

How do we talk about…

This month our Inclusion Edit journalist Gabby Jahanshahi-Edlin dives into the topic of paternity leave, both rational and irrational fears around it, and how to support more men to take it.

While maternity leave is still a topic that can fill women with fear, often for exactly the same reasons as men feel about paternity, it is nevertheless a socially accepted facet of the UK workplace. It seems that many fathers-to-be in the UK are not feeling able to take paternity leave beyond the statutory amount, with only a third of those eligible taking it up last year. Even with shared parental leave (meaning that two parents could split the paid and unpaid time off between them) becoming possible in 2015, research found that only 1% of eligible parents took it.

Parental Transition Coach, Patrick McMaster, says that many men he works with have both rational and irrational fears when considering taking parental leave. Many, he says, are worried they’ll be bored, or surplus to requirements at home, once the baby arrives. Others are anxious they will be judged by their bosses and colleagues as weak, or less invested in their job than others who don’t take time away from the office; concerns that feel, it must be said, remarkably similar to those women face when taking maternity leave.

Another father-to-be who worked in a law firm felt he was only able to take substantial leave because he was in a support role, and that this wouldn’t be possible for someone aiming for partner status. And even then, it wasn’t a simple manoeuvre. He was made to feel that if he wanted to be taken seriously, he would not put his family ahead of his work.

These deeply ingrained attitudes, that men must do one job, and women another leave little space for a changing world - one in which same sex couples give birth and adopt, and where women outearn men in heterosexual relationships, something that has the potential to be stymied if childcare is not equally shared.

Patrick McMaster’s male clients are effusive about the upsides to taking parental leave, citing a closeness with their children that would not be possible without that quality, early time, a feeling backed up by research: 69% of British fathers who took paternity leave said it directly benefited their family life. And for heterosexual couples, there is more good news. With each additional month of paternity leave taken by Swedish couples, it was estimated that the mother’s earnings increased by 6.7%.

So how does one make the decision whether to take substantial paternity leave? Patrick offers the following advice: remember that every person, every family setup is unique, so make sure you’re choosing an option that is right for you, not just what you think you should do, or what your colleagues tell you to do.

And for the decision makers, those of you who might be beginning to deal with questions around paternity leave, Patrick recommends:

Cultivating curiosity. Instead of immediately making judgements, listen to your colleague and find out what they need from you to help make the decision and
Looking to Scandinavian countries for their practices and policies. As a region they are much more advanced in terms of family friendly society, and we can learn a lot from them!

Notes and references